SkyHighThong
Newbie
Dang, i've been hopping like this for years and I still can't get out of my box!
Posts: 35
|
Post by SkyHighThong on Dec 4, 2008 15:41:54 GMT -5
Tragedy Strikes There I was the happy one
In a real cruel place;
Snacking on a honey bun
Licking it off my face; Then I hear a great big bang
So I go a running;
Just to see a New York gang
and their pistols gunning; There she lies, the one I loved, my mom
The one that I must see;
How could those bums
How can this be; What to do when tragedy strikes
When you lose the one's you love;
It fells like hitting spikes
Or when your blind-sided from above; |
|
|
|
Post by atheist on Dec 6, 2008 22:48:56 GMT -5
Ha, you deleted my criticism? What's the matter, sensitive to the truth?
|
|
SkyHighThong
Newbie
Dang, i've been hopping like this for years and I still can't get out of my box!
Posts: 35
|
Post by SkyHighThong on Dec 6, 2008 23:10:00 GMT -5
It was false critism, the type of poetry this is can be consitered as free verse, or (forgot it's name but rhyme scheme is, abab cdcd etc.).
|
|
|
|
Post by atheist on Dec 8, 2008 5:55:08 GMT -5
It was false critism, the type of poetry this is can be consitered as free verse, or (forgot it's name but rhyme scheme is, abab cdcd etc.). First off, the storyline is weak at best, snacking on a honey bun? Now, if that's not a filler line, idk what is. Second, free verse is a lame exscuse for those who can't write in pentameter. Third, bums doesn't rhyme with mom. And overall it's a pretty mediocre poem. I've seen much better. Now, are you going to be a big girl and let my honest criticism stand, or are you just going to delete it again because you're insecure? |
|
Roll Me Over in a Clover
Guest
|
Post by Roll Me Over in a Clover on Dec 8, 2008 14:55:57 GMT -5
It was false critism, the type of poetry this is can be consitered as free verse, or (forgot it's name but rhyme scheme is, abab cdcd etc.). First off, the storyline is weak at best, snacking on a honey bun? Now, if that's not a filler line, idk what is. Second, free verse is a lame exscuse for those who can't write in pentameter. Third, bums doesn't rhyme with mom. And overall it's a pretty mediocre poem. I've seen much better. Now, are you going to be a big girl and let my honest criticism stand, or are you just going to delete it again because you're insecure? Oooh OOOH Criticize my work please? ^ ^ |
|
SkyHighThong
Newbie
Dang, i've been hopping like this for years and I still can't get out of my box!
Posts: 35
|
Post by SkyHighThong on Dec 8, 2008 16:13:13 GMT -5
It was false critism, the type of poetry this is can be consitered as free verse, or (forgot it's name but rhyme scheme is, abab cdcd etc.). First off, the storyline is weak at best, snacking on a honey bun? Now, if that's not a filler line, idk what is. Second, free verse is a lame exscuse for those who can't write in pentameter. Third, bums doesn't rhyme with mom. And overall it's a pretty mediocre poem. I've seen much better. Now, are you going to be a big girl and let my honest criticism stand, or are you just going to delete it again because you're insecure? Free verse is a type of poetry and I don't see you making any poems on this board so shutup.... and it does to ryhme if you say it weird like mum |
|
|
|
Post by markxisxawesome on Dec 8, 2008 21:06:56 GMT -5
like he could do better than you SHT anyway. your awesome
|
|
